Lockdown, day 14 (although I know it’s been significantly longer for a lot of you brave souls) – I have surprisingly not gone insane and am in fairly high spirits. To be honest, I think it’s probably a matter of time before I lose the plot – but if there’s any chance I could keep the overall stability that I’ve been feeling over the past week that would be fab thank you.
I’ve heard a few people say that the first week, week and a bit is the hardest – as I’ve had an OK time so far I kinda feel like things might get worse as they go on. But, there really is no point in thinking about how long this is going to last, so I’m trying to take each day as it comes. So here are a few more thoughts, feelings and things that have crossed my mind and that have happened over the past week…
The guilt of not being productive has well and truly kicked in. To all the people and influencers who keep saying that brushing your teeth is enough, thank you – but that’s not going to cut it anymore. I’m going to try to make the best of this unprecedented situation we’re in and do both big and little things throughout the coming weeks. I can’t pretend I’m going to accomplish a million things in the space of one week, but I do believe I need to give myself a (small) kick in the butt.
I feel like I’ve cooked more over the past few weeks than I have in the past year. And without going into how creepily accurate this statement is, I’m feeling quite chuffed with myself considering how much I dislike and bad I am at cooking. I mean, I’m not going to be a domestic goddess when this all ends, but maybe I won’t hate it as much? Maybe I’ll actually improve, and even learn a few new things? Pray for me peeps.
It’s nice that I can eat as much garlic and onion as I want and not have to worry about terrorising people with bad breath. Hey, these days it really is about the little things – and the fact that I can have bad breath is awesome (yes, of course I brush my teeth, but I always worry that onion and garlic linger).
I hate that I’m worried about gaining weight. I know it’s f*cking sad to admit this, but I can’t help it. I miss going to the gym but struggle to self-motivate on my own; and as I ain’t got much else going on these days, food has probably become a bit of a comfort thing. Today I found myself genuinely very hungry, and I’m not going to beat myself up about it – but I’m going to try not to eat too badly from now on. I didn’t get too many snacks on my last supermarket run, and that’s definitely helped. As for exercise, I’m considering starting to run once and for all (it’s been something I’ve been wanting to try for ages) and I’m lucky to have a friend who will exercise with me over Face Time. I’m not going to beat myself up about it either – I will totally treat myself to a nice takeaway or sweet treats every now and again.
I’m still missing putting makeup on my face. I never thought I would be the kind of girl who would make a statement like that, but there’s something about slapping some crap on my face that I truly miss. I totally get why loads of girls are still making themselves up on a daily basis, but I genuinely don’t want to use up my makeup – a lot of it is pricey after all. So, for now, makeup can wait.
There are going to be moments of loneliness, and I’m OK with that. I’m not afraid of feeling pain and sadness – never have been, never will be. And it’s the same with loneliness – I’m having to isolate by myself, of course I’m going to feel a bit down and lonely every now and again. But I’m incredibly fortunate to have people I can be in touch with regularly – and overall, I’m pretty good at hanging out with me, myself and I. To all the people who are doing this alone, my thoughts are with you. It’s tough, but remember it’s not forever. Sending you a virtual hug – you can have the real deal when the time is right.
The days are going by surprisingly quickly. This has been the weirdest thing of all, and what I was not expecting in the slightest. Sure, I get bored here and there, but somehow I’m managing to carry out my days in such a way that they go by reasonably quickly. Fingers crossed that when I get productive they’ll go by even quicker!
I bought my first loungewear set – am I basic? For someone who has struggled with casual outfitting for the most part of their adult life, this was a pretty big move. What can I say, I got influenced by the millions of loungewear hauls across social media. But the question is – can I wear my loungewear set on my supermarket run?
I’m getting sick of seeing TikTok videos on Instagram. I know this shows my age, but I’m starting to get extremely bored of seeing TikTok videos all over the internet. Funnily enough Victoria from In The Frow gave a really interesting perspective on TikTok, explaining that she is really loving it and appreciating that its algorithm is so much better than Instagram’s. She said that TikTok is in many ways what Instagram was back in the day – a really fun and creative tool that gave small artists and content creators the chance to develop an audience. She also pointed out that Instagram is now sadly very much a huge money-making tool for big businesses, whereas TikTok for now is a great way for many people to grow an audience organically. I can really appreciate this observation, but I’m not ready to jump on board the TikTok bandwagon. Despite absolutely loving dancing as much as I love fashion, and appreciating all the fun and unpretentious creativity that goes into it, it all just seems a bit pointless and silly. Crabby grandad, anyone? Maybe I really am too old for this shit.
Getting up in the morning has been a struggle. This really annoys me, as I’ve always been pretty good at getting up early. But the past two weeks have been difficult. I’m not too sure why – maybe a part of me doesn’t want to wake up to this reality. Or maybe I’m just not sleeping right or getting the proper rest I need at night. I really hope I get past this, as getting up early helps me feel 100 times more productive.
For now, I’m going to have to have to go out once a day – because fresh air and mental health innit. I know this is a controversial topic, but personally I am thankful that for now in the UK we are allowed to go out once a day for exercise. My area tends to be very quiet, so it’s easy to go for a walk and not cross paths with people and keep a good distance when necessary. Over the past two weeks I only went out when I needed to get food, and being all cooked up in my flat was kinda awful. Yesterday I decided it was best for me to go out for a walk when I’m not having to get food. So yeah, I’m not taking the piss – my supermarket runs will count as my ‘once a day’ walk.
Will I learn how to take selfies for the sake of this blog and Instagram? That also involves creating cute spots in my home. Damn.
I cashed in my House Party v-card, and I’m getting pretty good at it. I am so, so damn grateful for the group of friends I have – seeing their faces on this app and playing dumb games has helped me so much. But it’s not just at House Party where all the action’s at – Face Time, ‘normal’ calls and even a good old text chat are making all the difference. It’s how I’m coping with the loneliness – knowing that thankfully a lot of my loved ones are only a phone call or message away is so damn comforting. These are hard times, and I’m truly touched to see how many of us are making that little extra bit of effort.
That’s all for now peeps – and once again I’m adding in some images that have nothing to do with what I’m saying. This was actually another #ootd that I loved, and pretty much summed up my vibe for Spring 2020. Maybe I’ll wear it on one of my supermarket runs.
P.S.: As much as I’m ‘enjoying’ writing about my quarantine experience, I do not want it to rule over my blog entirely. There will be other things coming up soon enough – with or without outfit shots.
Photographs taken by the Fashion and Textile Museum, Bermondsey, south east London, on the 29th of February 2020. Coat, Skinny Dip London. Beanie, Oliver Bonas. Earrings, Zara. Roll neck and trousers, Miss Selfridge. Bag, Silvian Heach. Socks, ASOS. Shoes, Hobbs.